Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize