My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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