I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Boobs are out for the taking
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
