I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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