You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
