I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize