white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
