This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
did you just send me my own nude
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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