Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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