I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
