i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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