im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
