Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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