woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
