..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
