i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am naked and annoyed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
