Is it because I queefed?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
