I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
