If that was your dad, he is hot
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
