Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize