Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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