he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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