:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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