Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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