This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
