What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
