you guys were way drunker than both of me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
