A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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