you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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