At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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