I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A bitchslap is in order.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
