absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
