Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize