I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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