You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
