So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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