I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize