Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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