I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
