Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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