So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
