I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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