I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
