They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
