I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
