so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
