Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
