you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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