brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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