I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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