I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
