I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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