Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
