the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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