tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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