when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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