Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We need to get me chipped asap
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
