I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize