i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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