I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
