he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
