his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
