you traded sex for a burrito?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
