There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
