I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
