just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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