did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
