Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
