I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
