ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
